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Comment on ‘Manfluencers’ are filming themselves trying to pick up women using smart glasses

Filetternavn@lemmy.blahaj.zone ⁨9⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago

While I’m a lesbian, I make a point to absolutely humiliate any man who has the audacity to come up to me and flirt while I’m minding my own fucking business trying to enjoy my day. I’m fully aware I could just say “I’m a lesbian, fuck off”, and most of those guys would fuck off (please note, this also reveals homophobes that claim I just haven’t been with a “real man” yet, and those guys are absolute assholes that won’t take a fucking hint), but it’s so much more fun to absolutely destroy their ego instead.

*Looks over them like I’m checking them out*

*Laughter as if they’re pathetic*

“No, hun. I have standards”

*Shoos them away*

Granted, I open myself up to a lot more danger by doing this, because it often pisses them off, but it’s so worth it to see the dejected look on some of their faces. Bonus points for destroying whatever they say in response with more ego-shattering insults.

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TheBat@lemmy.world ⁨3⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
Based. Fuck men.

PS: Am man.

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wonderingwanderer@sopuli.xyz ⁨8⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
Is it really necessary to be demeaning? I’m sure you feel like they all deserve it, and probably some of them do, but also some of them are probably decent people who are trying to be outgoing and probably had to work up a lot of courage to try to start a conversation with you.

Do you really need to crush them when a simple no will suffice? If they don’t take a simple no for an answer, then you know they deserve harsher treatment. But wanting to destroy someone’s spirit over a simple interaction seems a bit sadistic. I mean, how would you feel if someone did that to you?

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- Filetternavn@lemmy.blahaj.zone ⁨8⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
  See, this is flawed. You clearly don’t understand how demeaning it is for you to be approached sometimes multiple times a day to be treated like a sexual object while you’re just trying to go about your day. The context is important here. If I were doing this at a dating function, or an online dating app, obviously that would be ridiculous. But I (and many women like me) don’t want to be constantly sexualized and objectified in every aspect of my life. I don’t care what your intentions are, you’re ruining my day coming up to remind me of the rampant misogyny that fuels these interactions. You want to flirt with me? Get my fucking consent. It is not hard to flirt with me in a social context where it is acceptable to do so, where there is an expectation of it. And if a man came up to me during those contexts? Honestly, I’d be caught off guard and incredibly confused because I only attend gay/lesbian dating functions, so I’m not sure what exactly I’d do, but it would be much more understanding. Well, at least so long as they take no for an answer.
  
  How about we stop normalizing objectifying women? If you’re interested in someone beyond a one night stand, here’s an idea: introduce yourself and get to know them. If you are looking for a one night stand, do it somewhere it’s more appropriate. I don’t want to be stopped while I’m shopping for my groceries to turn down men who are struggling to look anywhere but my chest. It’s dehumanizing.
  
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  - zensanto@ttrpg.network ⁨7⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
    You should know that the only people you’re going to affect are the ones who actually care about what you think of them.
    
    The assholes are just ‘fishing’ and will completely forget about your response when they try to get with their next target.
    
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    Filetternavn@lemmy.blahaj.zone ⁨7⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
    You’re right in that one interaction is not going to fix an asshole, but perhaps if there were actual efforts being made in society to keep men like that in check, we’d see their prevalence decrease. As is, they’re allowed to exist nearly completely unchecked (and often thrive, in fact), and I feel the need to be one of the few people to “check” them.
    
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  - wonderingwanderer@sopuli.xyz ⁨6⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
    Is it treating you like a sexual object to strike up a conversation? If they’re objectifying you, that’s one thing. Are they literally coming up to you and saying “Hey, wanna hook up?” Or do you consider it sexualization every time a man says hi?
    
    Dating functions are one thing, but arguably only a small portion of dating activity takes place at those or begins from an interaction at one. And dating apps are notoriously toxic. The thing about genuine love is that it doesn’t happen when you mean it to. It’s unrealistic to expect to find it at those type of events. If it happens at all, it’s more likely to emerge organically. A chance encounter that turns into a coffee that turns into dinner that turns into three years and counting.
    
    But if saying hi to that stranger with the cool style is inherently misogynistic, then how many chance encounters that would have had potential will be missed? That seems like a sad world, where everyone is isolated and no one is meeting the people who would be right for them because no one is talking or even beginning to get to know each other. And it seems like that’s the world we’re already living in.
    
    Maybe I don’t quite get it, because I don’t understand flirting. I wouldn’t know how to do it if I set an intention to. I don’t really think about interactions as flirting. If I did I would just get nervous and awkward, and unable to think of anything to say. But retrospectively, there may have been times when I was trying to be friendly and outgoing that people thought I was flirting. I’m not really sure what counts as what. So should I have rbf all the time to avoid confusion?
    
    If I’m interested in someone romantically, my first instinct isn’t to “flirt,” whatever it means. It’s more like “Can I learn her name? What can I learn about her personality? I wonder what she likes? Will she talk to me for long enough to develop a connection? How can I get to know her without sounding nosy?” In fact, when I really like someone I get so shy that she probably thinks I’m being standoffish.
    
    The reverse is true too. I’ve thought someone was interested in me before, only to find out that she was just being friendly or had a bubbly personality. And likewise there have apparently been times when someone was dropping hints and they went right over my head. Clearly I don’t know “the code.”
    
    And besides, how does one get consent to flirt? Do you literally say, “Hi, can I flirt with you?” I don’t know much about socializing, but I’m pretty sure that’s not how most people would do it, and it would come off as painfully awkward and cringe for everyone involved. What exactly are the logistics for requesting clearance to exchange lighthearted pleasantries in order to gauge whether someone might be interested in continuing the conversation? These things don’t come intuitively to me.
    
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    Filetternavn@lemmy.blahaj.zone ⁨6⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
    
    Is it treating you like a sexual object to strike up a conversation? If they’re objectifying you, that’s one thing. Are they literally coming up to you and saying “Hey, wanna hook up?” Or do you consider it sexualization every time a man says hi?
    
    No, of course striking up a normal conversation is fine, I’m not gonna bemad at literally anyone for doing that; gender aside. Here’s a non-exhaustive list of some behaviors I have a problem with: coming up to me while clearly unable to keep your eyes off my body, using some shitty sexualizing pick-up line, saying something like “you’re hot” or “damn girl, you’ve got it going”, making comments only about my inherited physical appearance (i.e. “nice ass”), alluding to how horny my body is making you, that kind of stuff. If someone comes up to me and gives me a genuine compliment (i.e. I love the way you did your hair, that outfit comes together really well, you did a really great job on [X thing they witnessed me do]), I’m not gonna go out of my way to check their ego.
    
    Dating functions are one thing, but arguably only a small portion of dating activity takes place at those or begins from an interaction at one. And dating apps are notoriously toxic. The thing about genuine love is that it doesn’t happen when you mean it to. It’s unrealistic to expect to find it at those type of events. If it happens at all, it’s more likely to emerge organically. A chance encounter that turns into a coffee that turns into dinner that turns into three years and counting.
    
    Yeah, and if someone comes up to me and actually tries to get to know me as a real, genuine human being, then that’s perfectly fine. If they make it clear they’re interested in me, then I’ll let them down gently, but getting to know someone in and of itself is not necessarily flirting (and I prefer not to imagine that anyone who strikes up a random conversation with me is in it for sex).
    
    Maybe I don’t quite get it, because I don’t understand flirting. I wouldn’t know how to do it if I set an intention to. I don’t really think about interactions as flirting. If I did I would just get nervous and awkward, and unable to think of anything to say. But retrospectively, there may have been times when I was trying to be friendly and outgoing that people thought I was flirting. I’m not really sure what counts as what. So should I have rbf all the time to avoid confusion?> If I’m interested in someone romantically, my first instinct isn’t to “flirt,” whatever it means. It’s more like “Can I learn her name? What can I learn about her personality? I wonder what she likes? Will she talk to me for long enough to develop a connection? How can I get to know her without sounding nosy?” In fact, when I really like someone I get so shy that she probably thinks I’m being standoffish.
    
    You are not the problem, I promise. I think there’s a fundamental misunderstanding here of what kind of flirting I’m talking about, and how exactly it’s upsetting. Let me provide an anecdote: I’m shopping for my weekly groceries, trying to just make my way through the store and check out. I’m approached by a guy who clearly can’t keep his eyes off of me who makes some dirty joke about the contents of my cart. “You’re hot as fuck, you know that?”. That’s the kind of shit that ruins my day. I’m just out there trying to buy a fucking loaf of bread, not trying to catch a fucking one night stand.
    
    And besides, how does one get consent to flirt? Do you literally say, “Hi, can I flirt with you?” I don’t know much about socializing, but I’m pretty sure that’s not how most people would do it, and it would come off as painfully awkward and cringe for everyone involved. What exactly are the logistics for requesting clearance to exchange lighthearted pleasantries in order to gauge whether someone might be interested in continuing the conversation? These things don’t come intuitively to me.
    
    Start a conversation. Make a genuine compliment, or express lighthearted interest. See if it’s reciprocated. Reciprocation is the key there. Flirting is very different for lesbians, so I don’t think I’m the girl to ask for advice here, as I’ll never reciprocate flirting with a man anyway. For me, as a lesbian? Telling if there is mutual interest can often be done through eye contact and body language alone. Regardless, I’d throw out a light compliment about something I genuinely like about her (that she had agency in choosing, as that’s much more flattering than gawking about someone’s physical appearance), and see what kind of response I get. It’s an easy way to test the waters. If her tone, body language, eye contact, and response are playful, I know I can keep going. It’s fine to casually compliment someone’s appearance if they express mutual interest, but do so in a respectful way (i.e. no “wow, you have a nice rack”).
    
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zensanto@ttrpg.network ⁨7⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
Good on you for being nasty to people looking for a connection.

If men don’t approach women and women don’t approach men, then we’re left with a loneliness epidem- ohhhhhh.

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- Filetternavn@lemmy.blahaj.zone ⁨7⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
  There are plenty of ways to approach a woman without making it clear that the only thing you care about is getting into her pants. I happen to respond quite well to normal friendliness.
  
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  - Tollana1234567@lemmy.today ⁨2⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
    also dress nicer, dont look like a hobo.
    
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