I 100% can relate. Heck even the choice is limited if you know how bad living can be. Want it to be painless and you don’t want to screw up and have them pull you back with half your brain damaged. I have said before that if humans had an internal off switch. An act of will that could perm exit out. Man would the global population crator. I think a major thing is the possibility of real improvement which has never been lower in my opinion. The world and humanity has a plethora of challenges that even if we all cooperated peacefully to achieve are tough to overcome. This goodly portion that wants for themselves but not for others and looks to use violence to achieve their goals. ugh.