You may or may not find this useful, but I thought I’d share on the chance it might help. The people around you can have a tremendous impact on your mental health. I unfortunately had a malignant narcissist in my life that organized a mobbing campaign calculated to drive me to suicide. How was it done? Massive amounts of gaslighting to unmoor me from reality, heap stressors on me to overload, while those around me seeded the idea by constantly talking about suicide “if you want someone else to completely believe in your idea, you must make them believe that it was their own idea all along.” The strategy was fairly effective, and by the time I realized what was going on I was a wreck and had frequent suicidal ideation.

What stopped me was, like you, something inside telling me not to do it. This experience has completely reshaped how I view suicide, and I suspect that many others have been driven to suicide though similar means. What I did to get out of it was to sever ties with everyone involved, which basically meant severing ties virtually everyone in my life, including my family (they were involved), and rebuilding myself from the ground up. I started with physical improvement through exercise, as I was morbidly obese and had several related health issues. By focusing on small, incremental things that I did have control over, such as sleep, exercise, and nutrition, I was able to make useful changes to improve my life. You can’t change what other people do, but you can change what you do, and that can have an enormous impact on your life. While doing this, I was effectively in purgatory for 4 years while I rebuilt myself, and only last August did I begin to venture out to work on rebuilding my social life. It’s been a long haul, but I am so much happier now. I now have numerous real friends, an active social life, am in the best shape of my life, and am virtually unrecognizable to people who knew me before. The world is still in a shit place, and it will almost certainly get worse before it gets better, but focusing on things I can control and letting go of things out of my control I am in a much better place to deal with it all. Best of luck, and hang in there.