I would probably step out of the way of the trolley, but I admit that I would hesitate.

If you saw my hesitation and if I was doing okay, I would say that I’m doing as well as I can be, under the circumstances. I am fortunate to have good people in my life. When things get to be a lot, connections with people I care about helps keep me grounded.

The world often feels so awful that I feel hopeless. I also often feel awful, sometimes due to the world, sometimes due to brain weasels scurrying around in my head. But in the end, I figure that if I am someone who is able to see all the bad stuff that’s happening as bad, then that suggests that I am probably a force for good, however small that may be. At least I can see the problem.

If I died, there would be one less person who understands that things need to change. My resolve is weak and weary, but it endures. As long as it does, I would step off the tracks and give the gun to someone responsible asap.