My dad’s doctor told him he needed to eat more protein, and he was like “ChickenLady, what can I eat to get more protein? High-protein Boost?” No dad, fucking meat … you can eat more meat. The thing is he loved meat, but it never occurred to him that he got protein from meat. And he was a biology professor!

My favorite thing was my mother at one point thinking she needed to eliminate her intake of fats, carbohydrates and protein because they’re all bad for you. Fortunately she does like kale …