Comment on No more Mr. Nice guy
Hackworth@sh.itjust.works 3 weeks agoProbably not, but this is what I try to remember. People pleasing is a weird kind of arrogance. It feels like a selfless sacrifice, but it’s fundamentally an attempt at control. We cannot control the internal state of others. People are not going to always be pleased, nor should they be. And on the other side, those that encourage people pleasing behavior are (perhaps unintentionally) trying to control or exploit me.
Aurenkin@sh.itjust.works 3 weeks ago
I’m just trying to make sure they don’t hurt me.
Hackworth@sh.itjust.works 3 weeks ago
I get that too. But many people who are going to do harm won’t care what you do to ingratiate yourself. They’re more likely to see it as a sign of weakness that makes an easier target. We can’t service our way to safety. And on an even more fundamental level, the never-ending grasping for security through impression management is a way to distract us from the fear of death. “Memento mori,” in part is meant to short circuit this drive, which can turn malignantly toward sacrificing humanity and freedom for illusions of immortality and invincibility.
Aurenkin@sh.itjust.works 3 weeks ago
Yeah I’m better at advocating for my own needs and boundaries now but I wanted to point out that in some cases at least it’s just a maladaptive behaviour.
primrosepathspeedrun@anarchist.nexus 3 weeks ago
So arrogance AND cowardice?