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Comment on YSK that only by being yourself will you find people who like the real you. No one can beat you at being you, but you’ll only ever be second best at pretending to be someone else.

RagnarokOnline@programming.dev ⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

For me this is less about “being yourself” and more about not overly bending on your values to please others.

We are communal beings, and sometimes that means you have to act in certain ways to get along with the group. However, you should not have to compromise on the things that are most important to you in order to get along with the group. If you do constantly compromise, you’ll probably be liked, but you may never find YOUR group and always feel a bit like an outsider.

(If your friends like to say “that’s fire” And “yeet” and you don’t, that probably shouldn’t be a dealbreaker. If your friend group always expects you to drink when you’re hanging out and you don’t like to drink, then it’s probably a sign the fit isn’t perfect. Try not drinking around them and see if they accept you or else if they push you out and create room for you to find a different group. It’s scary to do, but results in deeper relationships in the long run.)

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Hegar@fedia.io ⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago
Yeah I don't think "being yourself" is a thing that anyone has to worry about. You can only ever be yourself.

As you point out, we're social mammals. We always exist in a social context and the behaviors that benefit us are highly dependent on that context.

It's also perfectly natural for our identities to change over time. We don't "discover the real me" we adopt new identities that benefit us more. That's just how being a human is.

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- RagnarokOnline@programming.dev ⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago
  I was at a Meyers-Briggs workshop one time (company-mandated) and the facilitator said something that made a lot of sense to me: “At any given time, your personality is about 33% who you want to be, about 33% who the people around you want you to be, and about 33% who you really are”.
  
  I think we adapt based on our context.
  
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  - captain_aggravated@sh.itjust.works ⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago
    It’s getting Jung up in here.
    
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  - Hegar@fedia.io ⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago
    
    Meyers-Briggs workshop
    
    I don't put much stock in business astrology grifters myself 😆. But I definitely agree that we adapt our behaviors to the people and situations that we're in. I would strongly disagree with that last third though - we are always who we really are.
    
    The behaviors we're reluctant or incapable of changing around others are no more us than the behaviours that we have stronger insight into and control over.
    
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