This is why the bathroom is the most important room in the house. You can’t* shower with your phone, only your thoughts. You can’t* take a dump with your phone, only your thoughts.

The Romans new this and constructed Faraday cages around their public restrooms so that people could discuss and formulate ways to overthrow the emperor using circuses and bread, sliced so thin that you could put a slice of cheese and salami on it and feel the soft crunch of the seeds. Throw that into a sandwich maker, watch it melt, mmm goddamn, and maybe a drip or two of worcester sauce to really put it into high gear when you’re at the circus. That way the emperor won’t see it coming when you emerge from the restroom and hit him with your phone

*shouldn’t