Oh yea about that… I feel like that paperwork stuff is just too much.

I’m still kinda dependent on my parents especially when it comes to depression and I need their money to get treatment for depression, drugs are a big no-no.

Because I was thinking like some under-the-table cash purchase that I can just wear a mask and sunglasses and walk into a store and just anonymously get it leaving no trace of ever being there. For medical cards, I’d have to get it registered with the state and that’s… a bit too much work and I’m mentally exhausted.

Like I’m assuming they’ll have to mail your medical card and yea if my parents saw that, I’m so fucked. I don’t have a friend to stay with, and with depression it isn’t gonna be fun to find randos to split rent with (rent is too expensive).

And I’m embarassed to say this, but I still have some sort of separation anxiety with my parents even tho they are very emotionally abusive. I took an entire bottle of antidepressants when I was at college because my emotions were overwhelming so I had to withdrawl. I think the reason why I have separation anxiety because I never propertly got to socialize since I was pretty much an outcast. Its sort of like a stockholm syndrome, but its more lile I really need financial support because I’m just not in a good mental space right now. I have like a year blanked due to my depressiona and that’s very difficult to ecplain to any employer, and its not like I can even handle it. I get scare by small noises like doors opening or closing (mostly caused by parents emotional abuse). I wake up trembling in fear, and wanting to die every moment. Doctor’s appointment takes months, and I already missed a few, which again, is due to me being a puddle of ancious goo when I need to get ready to leave.

I’m basically a Life is Strange protagonist but without any superpowers and without the friends (Alex Chen is so relatable, well except she had people that care about her, I don’t). Or I’m like Evil Morty, in terms of the abuse, and feeling trapped, but also not smart enough like Evil Morty being able to escape.

Sorry for the wall of text. Didn’t meant to dump an entire life trauma onto an internet stranger lol