So about two years ago, my libido switched to working not at all. Its previous stage was working-half-assed for most of my adult life. Psych-meds were (and probably still are) a factor.

I kinda hoped it’s going to be wheeee! I’m ace! GARLIC BREAD!

Alas, no.

But I now have two noteworthy phenomena:

The first is I’ll look at something erotic. Usually porn. There’s lots of porn available, and my brain goes this is important. It means something to me and tries to decipher it like a 70s era acid rock album cover or a Salvador Dali painting. It’s not titillating… not quite. It’s like someone gave me a post-hypnotic suggestion years ago and I accidentally came across the triggering image, but that subconscious code is faint and sepia now and gives me strange impulses.

The other phenomenon is when my brain goes HORNY and I’ll look at porn and it skips right over it. HORNY! It’s like the zombies deciding Homer Simpson doesn’t have enough brains to be interesting, there’s no sexy in these curves. Nor these. Nor these. Everything is all wrong! This is super frustrating, and sometimes I’m compelled to keep looking for the stimulus that has the right pins in the right order to turn the lock.

I understand Leon now, Nothing is worse than having an itch you can never scratch!

Sadly this was a factor in my separation with my wife. We still see each other once a week for dinner. It’s a zesty blend of complicated and tragic, the kind that happens while society collapses Titanic sinks.