In reality, people seem to follow these lessons.

Lesson 1: Never read the article—why bother when the title is all you need to fuel your righteous fury?

Lesson 2: Craft your response based solely on the title, preferably in all caps to ensure everyone knows you mean business.

Lesson 3: When engaging with comments, remember that everyone else is always wrong; they are part of a grand conspiracy against your unparalleled wisdom.

Lesson 4: You’re not just right; you’re a beacon of truth in a sea of misguided souls. Let that light shine, unburdened by facts or logic.

Lesson 5: Insults are the spice of life. Aim for at least two per sentence, and bonus points if you can weave in a creative metaphor involving farm animals.

Lesson 6: Always assume the worst intentions. If someone agrees with you, they’re obviously being sarcastic. If they disagree, they’re a troll.

Lesson 7: Grammar and spelling are for the weak. Your ideas are so powerful they transcend the need for coherent sentence structure.