Not only did I play AD&D from 12-18, I also played a lot of Traveler, a bit of Runequest and Cyberpunk, and a smattering of other games like Phoenix Command. And I’ll say that my observation is that not only did it not improve my social skills, it didn’t measurable improve those in the various friend groups, some of whom, 40 years later and still gaming, are just about as awkward as when they were in high school.
It’s because it’s fantasy, and the reactions you get from NPCs is what the DM comes up with; they’re not real people, they’re all one person. The gamers in your group could be just as socially awkward as you; all you’re going to learn from them is how to interact with other socially awkward people.
Now, if your party consists of a bunch of extrovert players, you could learn from them. But IME gaming only made things worse: it exacerbated the inside joke, us-vs-the-jocks, we’re skater because we play intellectually stimulating games mentality that contributes to social awkwardness.
Building an echo chamber of friends, most likely much like you in headspace, doesn’t expand your ability to be socially fluid.
You ever been to a convention? There are some really great outgoing people are those. There are also a large number of folks who are just plain fucking awkward. I was one of them.
You know what guaranteed helps with social skills? The military. Enforced, constant interaction with a bunch of people of all personality types that you don’t get to choose.
I am pro-gaming. I think it’s a great pursuit. It might even help improve your basic math skills, but I don’t think it cures cancer, and I don’t think it at all helps with improving general social skills.
supersquirrel@sopuli.xyz 1 week ago
You are conflating awkwardness with poor communication skills, they aren’t the same thing at all.
Plenty of charming, boisterous people can walk into any room and dominate it with their charm, DND won’t teach you that, but it will teach you how to converse in your own voice.
It really doesn’t matter that is fantasy, I think that makes it a more powerful as a teaching tool not less.
sxan@midwest.social 1 week ago
You believe that social skills aren’t dependent on communication skills?
The claim was that it taught social skills. I claim it will only do that if the teachers have excellent social skills. Not all teachers are good, or are good at teaching social skills.
You’re conflating social skills, and military experience, with management ;-)
I didn’t say the military made people good managers. Management is a very specific skill set, and you don’t have to be socially fluent to be a good manager, although it helps. And being a good communicator, and having good social skills absolutely does not automatically make you a good leader!
You seem to be reading things in my comments that I’m not saying. For example, that I had a bad time gaming; or that the military makes good leaders. We have a communications gap here; how can I be more clear?
I’m not sure how to read your last paragraph; it seems to be an expression of frustration with men, in general, and I don’t know what kind of response I can provide. You haven’t had positive experiences with ex-military (usually male) managers? How many of those have you had?
supersquirrel@sopuli.xyz 1 week ago
Too many and most of them elected themselves to be leaders in situations I was in because they foolishly but decisively believed they were going to have to take charge in order for things to happen.
sxan@midwest.social 1 week ago
Oh, yeah. Bias to action is often cultivated, and considered a positive trait. It can be really bad, especially in people who are bad leaders.
I’m sorry you’ve had that experience.