Is it normal I still feel bad even though I’m trying to do good and redeem myself?

Yes it is. People hold on to regrets for a whole host of reasons. Some more understandable than others.

But being good is not a value. It doesn’t stay up or down and it doesn’t get “remedied” in the traditional way. The amount of caring for others you do is awesome.

And yet, not saying no is an extremely unhealthy habit. Everyone has boundaries, and other people don’t realize how things drain your energy if you don’t say no. If you’re not looking out for yourself, who is?

The things in your list, almost all of them are nice in theory, but in practice they can run you into the ground.

• battling your instincts and personality
• feeling very guilty about every little mistake
• doing odd jobs no matter the person or task or how much energy you have
• not saying no

Look at this list. This looks almost self-destructive. It’s a testament to you that you are able to survive considering all these habits, but this is way past noble.

Please say no if you feel you need to, never agree if you you really don’t want to, only do odd jobs if they are appropriate, extend some grace for all of your mistakes and never suppress your personality. These are selfish things, but you are the only one who can be selfish for you, so look out for yourself.