Today in headlines: Everything is normal. The USA is not the laughingstock of the world. Civil war is not imminent.

Haha! April Fools … yea that kind of sucks, let me try again.

Today in headlines: Elon Musk takes a sledgehammer to a Tesla showroom while screaming “I will fucking beat you to it you filthy terrorists!” … no, see, that could happen … I quit April Fools.