This is my own personal experience. I am not a medical doctor. I hold no degrees. However, I’m confident that I know what I’m talking about here.

Get yourself a short fat girl. Like 5’3, but 220lbs.

I hurt my back in 2011. I was walking bent over for like 2 months. I was also dating a fat girl at the time.

I had her give me a massage, but it didn’t do anything. I was like “it needs to be HARDER!!!”

Somehow we got to the point where she was walking on my back. I felt like I was being squished in the best possible way. When she was done, I was able to walk upright. Still in pain, but not so much pain that I was forced to be hunched over.

We did this every day for a week. Suddenly my back was fine. Then we kept doing it because it just feels good.

So yeah. That’s my back pain relief advice. Get a fat girl.