this is more focused for sure, but it lacks the enthusiasm of the original. if i was trying to do this for work, i would appreciate how quickly it gets to the point. however, it no longer reads like this is something you’re interested in. it reads a bit wooden. i get that would happen after you’ve been told to correct your style though.

to be clear, the original article doesn’t need to be rewritten. for the future though, when you want to tell the story of how you got something working, include your reasons for doing something a certain way. if you need a self-inflicted complication, that’s not really a part of it (unless it’s funny)