the_abecedarian
@the_abecedarian@piefed.social
- Comment on [deleted] 1 week ago:
I inherently distrust anything with crypto mixed in
- Comment on How does a guy become his most confident around women? 2 weeks ago:
If the confidence you want is for dating purposes, you need to get comfortable with:
- figuring out what situations you're comfortable in where single women are present: not one for clubs and bars? What about pickleball or ceramics or a book club? Try new things that have some chance of having people you want to date.
- figuring out what specifically makes you uncomfortable, then facing it. Is it fear of rejection? Fear of being vulnerable? Certain kinds of social situations? Understand that rejection is part of learning and vulnerability is required (in appropriate amounts based on context) to connect.
- don't hyperfixate on any one woman or one event. Spotted a baddie? Go for it if she seems open to interaction, but don't make getting her contact info into a make or break for your whole night.
- learn to spot cues and hints that someone is or isn't into having or continuing an interaction: is she trying to put effort into conversion with you or shutting it down (even politely)?
- Stay a million miles away from the toxic "manosphere" and their incel fuckery. There is nothing of value there. - Comment on ‘An uphill battle’: why are midlife men struggling to make – and keep – friends? 3 weeks ago:
We've been physically separated by car dependency and the removal of free/cheap meeting spaces; distracted by the internet and streaming media; made to hate and fear each other by propaganda; and made temporary in our neighborhoods by rising rents and the hunt for the ever more rare decent job. That's why.
One way to meet people is to get a dog and walk them around the neighborhood. Another is to find local activity groups over discord, meetup, etc. Another is continuing ed classes at a local university or community college
- Comment on Why is so hard for musicians to have a good living and be famous? 3 weeks ago:
Agreed, its just a bit of a different structure now
- Comment on [deleted] 3 weeks ago:
We deserve an internet that is not merely a surveillance farm for billionnaires and governments.
- Comment on Why is so hard for musicians to have a good living and be famous? 3 weeks ago:
It's not the musicians' fault. https://www.versobooks.com/blogs/news/5006-new-hegemonies-streaming-platforms-and-music-production
Nothing under a capitalist economy is rewarded for merit, only profitability for the business owner or shareholders
- Comment on Which ia better etiquette? 4 weeks ago:
Do whatever your hosts do with theirs
- Comment on The name "seagull" implies the existence of landgulls, airgulls, and firegulls. 5 weeks ago:
also, spacegulls
- Comment on Reevaluating my password management 5 weeks ago:
Seafile or nextcloud
- Comment on [deleted] 5 weeks ago:
Cool yeah I need to look into liquid democracy more.
I'm sorta ambiguous about the law -- it is always a blunt tool in that it can't possibly cover every situation (despite judicial contortions) and every person's particular circumstances. It ages badly and can be hard to keep it up with changing times.
At this point, though, I'm willing to accept laws written and passed by community assemblies, covering their community. It'd be a huge step forward anyway.
- Comment on [deleted] 5 weeks ago:
I don't exactly know what it'd mean to merge the judiciary and executive. If we're just tinkering with the system, the most democratic parts of the system are the US House of Representatives, UK House of Commons, and similar population-based representation, so I'd want to expand them at the others' expense.
I don't believe that will solve much, though. In a hierarchical society, those on top will use any existing govt structures to their benefit, having more control when there is less democracy. In general, I believe in spreading power so thinly that it effectively disappears. Instead, people affected by a decision should be the ones to make it, not merely to vote for those who promise to do right by them.
- Comment on [deleted] 5 weeks ago:
Disagree in general that it can empower the marginalized -- it is at most a reflection of the power that the marginalized can sometimes use, either because they did things like strike or organize in the past, or because they have access to powers won by less marginalized people.
- Comment on [deleted] 5 weeks ago:
The law is just an expression, more or less up-to-date, of the existing balance of power between those who have power and those who don't
- Comment on What are your approaches to donating? 1 month ago:
Donate locally, to smaller organizations doing important work in your area. Your money will be so much more meaningful than a few extra dollars to a national organization or a politician. Mutual aid organizations are a good example.
- Comment on [deleted] 1 month ago:
Cops have no reason to put forth effort unless you're at least locally important or someone above leans on them to make their numbers/look like they're doing something.
Also is it "justice" to put someone in jail? Let's say there's no way to return what was stolen (money spent, property sold/destroyed etc). It certainly doesn't stop them from doing more crime, it tends to force them into doing more bc it makes them less hirable and more economically desperate. It doesn't make your situation any better either. It's just more money for the prison companies.
- Comment on Why does America feel the need to control the world? Do what they say? Instead of taking care of their own problems at home? When did the US become police officer of the world and enforcer? 1 month ago:
There are privileges to being an empire and the capitalists in the US continue to use that empire to get access to those privileges. Favorable trade, commercial, and financing terms are a big one.
Also the US war industry pushes the country to intervene. You can see how there are interventionist and isolationist movements in the US fighting right now over how much the US gets directly involved in Iran-Israel.
- Comment on Mastodon updates terms of service to ban AI model training on user data 1 month ago:
That is not true. The terms of service cover "your access and use of Server Operator's ("Administrator", "we", or "us") instance". Access includes reading data from the server.
- Comment on Patreon will increase the cut it takes from new creators 1 month ago:
- Comment on Google is intentionally throttling YouTube videos, slowing down users with ad blockers 1 month ago:
- Comment on Do instances exist where you can be 13+? 1 month ago:
@Aurora: I think most Pixelfed instances/apps have a way to block NSFW content. You'll have to make sure your sister has NSFW content blocking on (and keeps it on) and you'll want to check in with her every now and then about her experience there. I think marking images as NSFW is optional for the person posting the content, so not every single NSFW image will necessarily be blocked. It's hard to give someone a completely clean social media experience.
One other thing you can try: look for instances that are focused on a topic your sister enjoys that is not likely to have NSFW content in it, like ppl who are interested in trains or playing a musical instrument. There are some here: https://fediverse.party/en/portal/servers/ (but you should check the server before she joins)
to all the commenters saying the fediverse is not a good place: these kids are going to be on social media, one way or another. It could be tiktok, bluesky, snapchat, or whatever else they can get onto. Some (but not all) parts of the fediverse should be accessible to them. Ofc that means someone has to do the hard work of hosting those instances, which is not easy. Just saying "this isn't for you" isn't doing teens or the fediverse or parents any favors.
- Comment on Is it really doom scrolling if it's just true? 1 month ago:
Doomscrolling is scrolling through your phone wallowing in depression/anxiety about these things. Moderate your news intake, spend some time doing mutual aid, ice watch, whatever appeals to you, and get more sleep.
- Comment on Why is DOGE still around if Donny and Elon aren't getting along? 1 month ago:
So doge is doing that work. Why get rid of it if it does what they want?
- Comment on Why is DOGE still around if Donny and Elon aren't getting along? 1 month ago:
DOGE is not just a Musk thing. Privatizing government has been a long term goal of the republicans and capitalists for a very long time
- Comment on Discord's CTO is just as worried about enshittification as you are 1 month ago:
Well if he does anything to stop it, the board of directors will remove him.
- Comment on Let's play this game again 2 months ago:
This is amazing and should be in a tabletop rpg session
- Comment on Let's play this game again 2 months ago:
Telekinesis
- Comment on 7 for me 2 months ago:
What, no formalwear option?
- Comment on The world was a nicer place before the advent of leaf blowers 2 months ago:
fair enough. It's another reason why grass doesn't make sense to me -- it's so incompatible with the landscape unless you put in the effort to make it habitable. Maybe there's a type of ivy that would have an acceptable max height instead?
- Comment on The world was a nicer place before the advent of leaf blowers 2 months ago:
I have lived in suburbs, subdivisions, and city neighborhoods with green space. People (or their landscapers) use leaf blowers in all of them.
- Comment on The world was a nicer place before the advent of leaf blowers 2 months ago:
They're loud, they kick up dust, and they happen at intermittent times based on when the neighbors do it. they also use fossil fuels. Loud mowers are annoying, too! If you -- heaven forbid -- want to keep your windows open and feel a breeze, you're going to get all of that noise and maybe even some of the dust.
I understand that we have to clear sidewalks and driveways so that accidents don't happen. People usually don't have so much sidewalk + driveway that a broom or something wouldn't do that job quickly. But then we have to blow the leaves off the lawn, too? I know that your HOA will kill you if you don't, but doesn't it seem silly to remove the leaves from a lawn, then buy and put down commercial fertilizer, when the leaves would have biodegraded into new topsoil? To spend so much time watering a lawn to keep it alive when the leaves would have shielded it from the sun? Why are we spending so much time, money, water, and effort to maintain sterile grass lawns? We can have beautiful outdoors spaces without being slaves to an HOA enforcing what plants we grow.
I understand that it's really the HOAs these days that are a big part of the problem. A good number of people in my HOA-less neighborhood have diverse plants in front of their homes. They look fantastic, they seem to take way less maintenance (I never see them mowing, watering, weeding, fertilizing, etc), and ofc they're much better for the environment.