So I’m a 33 yold licenced physician, played rugby in my teens, my first summer job was as a mechanic… I’m pretty rugged around the edges, but I do have a baby face which has its pros and cons, and it does garner some uncomfortable situations at times. So when it comes to family I play it soft, I yield to my elders, try to be diplomatic and I try to keep an open line of communication when the occasion warrants it. But I’ve got uncles with a short temper, and today the neighbour’s kid brought us a tart his mom made, last time I gave him around a 1$ “gratuity” to thank him for his efforts of bringing it over, nothing over the top, he’s only about 10, and his mom knows I do that sometimes, so from their side it seemed okay. The first time I tried to give the kid said tip, my uncle was there and even though the kid was reluctant and shy, my uncle encouraged him to take it and so he took it, said uncle is a widower and the neighbours are kind to him, sometimes he pays them for cooked meals also. Fast forward to today (every Friday they send him a treat on the house), So I go to give the kid a gratuity, and my uncle yells at me, I get really irritated, but I look him in the eyes and ask why, he yells even louder and tells me not to be stubborn, I told him I don’t understand why he’s yelling, he yells again and told me not to play the victim. Honestly, deep down I felt like I wanted to smack his lips or scrunch them up until they turn red, but I stepped off and went into the bathroom for a shower to cool off. [FYI I’m with him temporarily while I find a place to move into next to my new placement] I played it cool after, and even though we were laughing and sharing stories at lunch, this dude was looking at me like he was probing for something. We come from your typical, elders are always right and commanding type family, but the sudden switch from allowing it the first time to yelling today really irked me. ( I’m not gonna spoil the kid or his neighbourly relations with a dollar, and would absolutely stop if he said something) I think I handled well with the firm look/question about the yelling, which led to him defending it by trying to gaslight me with the “victim” ploy followed by the probes at lunch, because I know he was still guessing, but I’ll let him cook until we can curb that hot temper of his. I’m really curious how would anyone deal with this, with the goal of keeping a firm boundary of mutual respect in mind, without the immature “cut it off” routine. I like the dude, but the loud yelling was not cool. Also I had a similar incident with him during the first week, I don’t really remember about what, but he gave me a stare like I’m supposed to know… holyyyy dude is acting like he raised me now, I looked at him dead centre and told him silence doesn’t teach instructions… Whatever man, I’m two yells away from squeezing him and biting his traps. submitted by /u/MilkConnoisseur147
Originally posted by u/MilkConnoisseur147 on r/AskMen