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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/ApprehensiveDingo510 on 2023-09-07 13:48:21.

I (F35) married my husband Ed (M40) when I was 25. He was already having an established career, own home etc. He understood my need for the same, established career and property in my own name.

I worked hard to get these both by the time I was 30 too. But the pressure from both my parents and his family made us decide to have a child. Since everything was 50-50 upto the childbirth, I expected the same after too.

I took care of house management and childcare in my paid maternity leave. After the 6 months were up, I wanted to go back to work. My husband suggested I stay home with baby until she turned two. I didn’t want to take a break from my career but fact was he outearned me and logical solution was he would support both of us.

But then covid happened. We couldn’t send her to daycare. I was again the primary parent for 2 more years, even though my husband worked from home. I didn’t complain since he was the sole bread earner.

But last year, I finally got a job and started sending our daughter to kindergarten. I was happy. I was more commited to job than ever. But I had to work long hours and that meant splitting home chores and childcare.

Maybe it was the break he got for four years, but hubby seemed to get depressed and agitated at having to do chores. He mentioned here and there how it was unfair he had to do these when clearly I could do it all.

Yesterday my boss asked me to travel next week for a work thing. It’s a week long trip and expected in my profession. When I told hubby this, he was incredibly mad at me saying I shouldn’t commit to trip like these since I have duties at home.

I reminded him whenever he went on work trips, I managed it all by myself. He said its not the same since I am a women. I didn’t like that and told him it’s his duty as partner and parent, gender has nothing to do with it. I refused to back down from trip.

He called both sets of parents and they are now blasting my phone telling me as a wife and mom my primary responsibility is my family. That I shouldn’t abandon Ed. No matter my arguments saying if I can do it so can he, they are still saying I am being a selfish AH for going.

AITA?