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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/One-Protection57 on 2023-07-21 21:56:30.

My (34f) and ex boyfriend (25m) were together for a year and a half. Our breakup was amicable (I never assumed it would last given the age difference) I got along well with his family, even with his mother who (understandably) wasn’t a fan of our relationship given the age gap, but did like me as a person.

Before our breakup, we were invited to a destination wedding of his cousin in Hawaii. I was asked to make the arrangements for flights and hotel. I didn’t mind, so we made the arrangements together, selecting the place and flight times and I put it all on my credit card with the promise that they would pay back their portions when they could. (Over $2k each) I have a good job and could pay off the whole trip and I was happy to do it to save them interest on a credit card.

Since then we broke up.

Recently I got an email from his mother asking for her flight and hotel information. I politely reminded her that they would need to pay back their portion (it has been 3 months since we booked the trip) and asked if they would reimburse me for my portion of the hotel/Airbnb since we broke up and I wouldn’t be attending. At first her response was cool, but polite saying that I would get my money eventually. I didn’t respond. She wrote back again with a much different tone demanding the information for the hotel/Airbnb and I said I was causing undo stress while they were planning for this big trip. I replied that I would happily share that information once I was reimbursed. She said that I would not be reimbursed for my portion of the accommodation expenses and that she was going to tell everyone how terrible I was for holding the hotel information hostage.

I texted my ex and asked what was happening and why things had taken such a turn. He said I was being unreasonable and making everything about money which was unfair since I knew they were struggling financially and I wasn’t. I said that it didn’t feel very fair to me that I was basically paying for them to go on this trip and getting nothing. He assured me that they would work on paying me back when things got better for them financially. I said that just wouldn’t work for me since I had no guarantee and no idea how long that would be and that I would still be out thousands of dollars since they didn’t want to reimburse me for my portion.

I offered instead to let them share one room at the Airbnb and one room at the hotel but that I would be staying in one room as well. He was outraged and said I was making things weird, but my side is that I have the time off from work and paid for it so why shouldn’t I go?

I told him that I’m still within the range to cancel the reservations if that was a better fit which he also didn’t like since prices are much higher and places are harder to find now. I won’t attend the wedding of course, but I don’t see why I can’t take the vacation that I planned and paid for. Am I the asshole?