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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/lolmei- on 2023-07-19 23:36:10.
To preface, I wouldn’t exactly say I’m cheap/frugal, but I am definitely rather less fortunate and prefer to save as much as I can. I am a college student with a dependent (sibling, our parents out of the picture) so it’s very important that I make good financial decisions.
This weekend I got invited to a friend’s birthday celebration and dinner. I wasn’t sure if I could attend, but I had some extra spending cash and decided I would go and be there for my friend. When I arrived I realized the restaurant was a lot fancier than I thought, I felt a little embarrassed for being underdressed (wore a hoodie and flip flops) and apologized but left it at that.
The food was way more expensive than I was expecting, and I just got water, salad, and a cheap side to try and covertly blend in with everyone else splurging at the table to avoid further embarrassment. They got multiple appetizers, multiple desserts - some people got multiple sides. When the check came it was extremely expensive, and they said we were going to split it evenly.
I texted my friend explaining that I was completely blindsided by this and I tried to keep my dinner costs low, so I asked if it was okay if she just excluded me from the split payment idea and just let me pay the cost of my meal. She then called me out in front of everybody and said I not only showed up underdressed and embarrassed her, but I also ruined her night by refusing to pay. She then said that she was the only one that should be expecting not to pay because its her birthday. I then realized that she wasn’t even paying for her own meal, it was being divided among all of us.
Growing up I was always taught that when you invite people out, you should expect to pay for them or at the very minimum pay for yourself. Is that wrong? Everyone at the table blamed me for being cheap, and “clearly not knowing how to dress myself”. I wasn’t even told it was a fancy event, just to show up at the address provided.