Anyone else trapped in the perpetual contradiction of desiring interpersonal connection then hating being around people? Or just always wanting the opposite of whatever you have at that point in time?

Spend half my life craving companionship, get what I want and crave to be alone. Why am I like this? Whatever the current state of my life is I will always want the thing it is not, like my brain exists in a state of perpetual discomfort with the current state of being.

What is it that I even want and why do I perpetually feel on edge regardless what decisions I make. Go outside? Want to be at home. Stay at home? Want to go outside. Can I just have something and be satisfied with it?