So, this one was hard. Really, really hard. I’m not absolutely certain I got it right, but this is how it got birthed, and it’s what needs to happen. It’s clunky in a few places, I know. Maybe in the future, when the whole thing is complete, I can wrestle it into better shape, I dunno. Anyway, here goes.
“You ready?”
“I am. Are you not going to gloat?”
“Generator, unlike you, I don’t take particular joy in kicking someone that’s writhing in agony. Besides, nothing I can say is going to sting as much as the fact that you lost. Speaking of that, maybe in the future, if this doesn’t stick, remember that you aren’t the judge of people you think you are.”
“Before we do this, how was I wrong?”
“You didn’t know me. You didn’t care about me. So you didn’t know shit about how I got where I am. You keep trying to grind at me by calling me doctor, but I was a fucking nurse. Nurses spend more time with patients, hands on. My power is called empathic healing, and despite that not being the limits of what I can do, it’s how it first manifested. I fucking cared, Generator. I gave care because I couldn’t see the pain people are in and not try to help.
My power kicked in on the oncology unit. Like most people, like you, it didn’t kick off fully fledged. I worked for two years with my power slowly pulling the pain of my patients into me. Then the diseases themselves, or at least the version of them it transfers.
It was another year before I figured out what was going on, and that was when I started medicating. Six days? Six days ain’t shit, lady. You remember Nuke? How I offloaded into him, I had been carrying that mess for months, and only kept the bare minimum cocktail in me because I was hunting someone almost as bad in their way as you fuckknuckles in Ragnarok. I ride the pain and addiction every day.”
“Are you going to keep on with the whining, or get started?”
“Fuck you.”
“In your dreams, junkie.”
“Shut the fuck up, and sit down. How the mental shit works is different from the physical. The body, I just pull it into me, almost zero effort. But psychological injury isn’t so clear cut. It’s brain patterns, memories, chemical pathways. When powers are involved, it’s even trickier if the powers need to be unchanged. I’ve already probed you when we first met, and again while we’ve been chatting. I’ve seen worse, but your brain is like a skein of yarn after a methed up kitten had a go at it.
You ever meditate?”
“I have, yes. The Program included that, as well as other less abusive efforts.”
“If you can still do it, keep your conscious mind dialed down a little, it makes sorting through the knots easier since they aren’t being pulled on as much. There’s going to be some degree of transfer beyond the trauma and disordered patterns. Sometimes, it’s an ugly thing. Sometimes it’s more gentle. The less you fight, the more likely it is it’ll be gentler than it could be. Sometimes, it gets telepathic, and empathic in a more literal sense. Our minds may connect, we may feel each other’s emotions as our own. I’m used to that, and it still sucks. Never had it be as bad as it was with Eternus, but the last time I tried to unkink a power trauma complex, it was rough.
This is your last chance to wimp out. I won’t do this without consent, no matter what our bet was, no matter what else you’ve promised anyone. We don’t start until you say go. But once it starts, stopping is dangerous. For both of us, but I’m more likely to survive with my mind intact. That’s why we’re here in the Vault, and everyone is standing ready. Nothing from the outside to fuck this up.”
“Do you run your mouth this much with everyone?”
“No. I usually insist on a much longer set of preparation instructions.”
“Let’s just get this done.”
Sunny day. Two adults, a teenager. I’m sitting on a lawn chair. No, she’s sitting on a lawn chair. Don’t lose yourself idiot, ride the wave, surf it, stay loose and ready.
Okay, she’s feeling strange. Damn. She’s feeling something similar to the way I first felt when my power kicked in. A hyper awareness of other people, a kind of hum coming off of them. When she pays attention to it, that hum gets more intense. Her’s is more auditory than mine, interesting. There we go, the flash of awareness, the connection. She’s pushing a little, trying to change the hum. The woman passed out! I guess that’s their mom? Shit! She’s out too. Double whammy, the feedback and strain of pushing did something.
Focus, Kerry, focus. Feel for it, feel for that first change. Ah, damn; fuck me. It’s snarled deep. This is gonna take hours.
“Elaine? Generator? You with me here?”
“Yes. I am not a fan of this, doctor.”
“I’m not either. Look, I need info. You passed out when your power first got used. Plenty of people do. But what did it feel like right before you went under?”
“Like someone pulled a plug inside me and all the water was spinning out.”
“After that, when you woke up again, you had a weird thing with your mom, didn’t you? Weird as in some kind of changed perception.”
“She was always watching me, always jumping when I’d move. It turned into us not being able to be in the same room. Then the same house.”
“Yeah, well, that’s because when you passed out, part of your power stayed focused on her. Let me guess again, you both had a spike in nightmares. Of each other, most likely.”
“Yes.”
“Shit. That’s part of why your power changed you so much. You were locked into a cycle of amplifying her, with a feedback that amplified you. Both of your emotions, the chemistry, the neurotransmitters and brain patterns; both of you scared, then angry, then horrified. I’m surprised neither of you broke worse.”
“This is necessary? I would much prefer not walking down memory lane with you, much less reliving their betrayal.”
“I don’t know if it’s necessary. Most of the mental shit is from the patient, not me. I have to sort through what you give me, find where things aren’t working right. If those things are tied directly to a memory, I’ll get some kind of experience of it. Let me work for a bit, try and get a handle on this knot.”
It sure is a bad knot too. It’s not the only one, but it’s the biggest and most painful. Gotta tease it out careful. Easy, easy there, pull it in. Damn. Glad my mom is dead, I’d hate for this to connect to her in my head. Damn, that’s some serious hate and love. Okay, okay, don’t linger on it, too easy to get sucked into replaying it. Box it up, put it in the corner until the job is done.
Follow the threads. Waking up. Cold, hard surface. Bright lights. Hushed voices. Feel drugged? Not in a good way. Shit, she’s tied down. Straps. At least they’re padded. Fear, ramping up to terror. The sense of betrayal. Damn, no wonder this lady has a hate on for everything. Who’s this jagoff? Dr. Moran? Shit, I know that name.
“Well hello, Elaine, I’m so glad you could join us here. We are going to help you master your power. We are going to help you be a better you and serve humanity.”
Jesus fucking christ! She’s picking up more than I thought she would. The briefing Max gave me didn’t cover this part of her power, and Don sure as hell didn’t know. This guy is fucked in the head worse than her by a mile. About as bad as I’ve ever run across, and throbbing in my head as bad or worse than Nuke did. Shit, that’s me filtering her power. Was she feeling it more or less intense?
“More. His, for lack of a better phrase, brand of crazy was a power of its own. He leeched off of us. Our pain, and our use of power, fed him. Charged him up. He was a sadist before his power, I’m certain of that. Feeding off of his victims gave him the ability to manipulate others. It’s how he took over the Program. It’s how he kept himself insulated despite the deaths, and the reports of his abuse.
It’s why we killed him slow.
That day, I knew his power. I don’t feel that throb you speak of, but I do sense how a person controls their power, how it works in their body or mind. Him? I could feel the stink of how he could twist emotions and feed from them, the lust for the rush of it, and how he could use that feeding to bend people to his wishes. You feel a painful throb, I felt currents and flashes.”
“Wait, what does my power feel like? No, scratch that, we’re on the clock, but we need to talk after this, assuming we both survive. I have an idea I think Don and Max are going to love.
For now, just be careful. We’re wrapped up in this. Don’t start fucking with my power while we’re synced up. I have no idea what the fuck would happen.”
“You’re the doctor. A foolish one, dangling a temptation like that, but I will comply.”
“Thanks Elaine. Shit. Generator. Sorry.”
Back at it, Kerry, don’t let shit slip. Stay with the memory, the creepy fuck dialing up her fear and paranoia
“It isn’t paranoia if they’re really…”
“Yeah, I get it. Just because you’re picking up my thoughts doesn’t mean you need to respond to them. It’s distracting. Let me fucking work, yeah?”
“Fine.”
Fucking hell. Dammit, follow the paranoia, the twist of anger he’s siphoning. That’s where the knot is. Pull it gently, no rough moves. Tease it out and make it a gift after what that rat fucker did. Shit. “Sorry generator, I know what I’m doing has to feel similar. If I’d known, I would have… I don’t know, I just don’t want this to be like that.”
Oh. She’s letting me fucking work.
Smooth it out, lift just the rut the bastard wore into her. She’d have fucking recovered from the shit with her mom if she’d just gotten away for a year or two. Less with conventional therapy. Damn. This one asshole caused all the deaths she had a hand in.
Trace it to the next cluster.
Oh shit. Nuke. He’s got power cuffs on. He’s running towards her. Shit! What the fuck? He’s going to knock her senseless!
Not her! Some kid. Behind her. Holy fuck, is that baby Devastation? It is. What the fuck is going on? She doesn’t know either.
“Hey. Dipstick. Didn’t I tell you not to fuck with new kids? I gotta beat your ass again?”
“Fuck you, man. One of these days, ima fuck you up.”
“In your dreams. You hit me, it just builds up. Cuffs won’t let me blow, so it just builds and builds, and makes me harder to hurt. Nothing you got scares me, Devon. If you’d chill out, you’d save yourself some bruises.
Hey, new kid. You alright? You look pretty messed up.”
“Doctor. I want you to pay attention. Feel what I felt. Like with Moran.”
“Okay, yeah, I can do that.”
Let’s see what she’s on about. Damn! Devastation it is, I can feel the crackle of his power, no mistaking that. Nuke, he’s… that’s fucking weird. “What the hell is that?”
“That is Nuke when I met him, killer. You feel that control? You feel the fact that he could blow those cuffs off? He’s got weeks of abuse piled on him at that moment. And he’s still sticking up for me, all while playing by the rules. Still think he was born broken?”
“I can’t feel him the same as Moran, Nuke isn’t as mental in his power, he doesn’t play with emotions, so what you’re picking up doesn’t translate the same. I’m just feeling a steady hum from him, it’s translating as health, but like an athlete working hard. He feels like a marathon runner on a treadmill. Your power is picking up him controlling his, if I’m guessing right, and that he’s not struggling to do it.”
“Exactly. No surges, no flares. He’s relaxed, but putting effort in. Wait until you see more of him, pay attention to what changes, killer.”
“I’d rather you went back to accusing me of being a doctor.”
“I’m sure you would. Now, I’ll just hurry off and let you ‘fucking work’.”
Smartass. But she’s made her fucking point sharp as it can get. Nuke felt totally different when I dumped into him. Even drugged out, there was a sensation of jaggedness to him, under the throb. Did I kill the wrong guy? No! Didn’t have a choice. It was Nuke or someone on the team that wasn’t a known and convicted murderer. And I couldn’t have held it much longer. The shit from Don was leaking, like nothing else ever had. Wasn’t sure it wouldn’t take root for real. And if it hadn’t, I still couldn’t have gone anywhere to find other targets. Hell, compared to most of the shit stains I dumped into that died, he was Hitler to their schoolgirl.
Fuck! Pull it together, Kerry. Follow the memory, find the next snarl.
Shitfuckdamn! What did they do? She’s bleeding internally. Feels like a ruptured spleen, damaged liver. She’s been beat almost dead. Head ringing, everything blurred. Concussion for sure. Face all fucked up. Yeah, there’s a major knot to this.
“This is what will happen every time, Elaine. You must comply with your training, with your treatment. Now, focus. Reach into Devon, push his power, push it until he screams again.”
“No. I’m done, asshole. No more.”
“Devon, hit her again. This time break a rib.”
“Rrrraaaaaaggghhhhnnnnnnnnaaaaaaaarrrrggghhhh!”
“Devon, you will comply. The longer you fight, the worse it will be for both of you.”
He’s going to do it. She’s reaching out with her power, but not at him? Where? Oh, shit.
BADOOOOOMMMMM!
Fuuuck! Ruptured ear drums. Devastation is down. Moran is crawling out from under the door. She’s shifting her power to Moran? What? Why? Shit, get back to work, sort through the knot, don’t just rubberneck. Moran is making this one worse. He’s fucking with all of them. The more she amps him, the worse it gets, I can feel the hate, the rage in her. She’s trying to burn him out. Is this the first time she did it? “Is it? Was it?”
“Yes. That’s what he wanted me to do to Devastation. Now it’s his turn.”
Another kid, young one, coming in behind Nuke. Looks familiar. Shit! She did it! Moran’s down.
“Fixer, take care of Moran.”
“Okay Generator. Only take a minute.”
Fixer? The healer? Oh. I get it. Just fix the knot, get the fuck out. Christ, I really don’t need this memory stuck in my head. Fuck! Nuke exploded his balls! They’re just going to keep healing him and fucking him up. Dammit! She’s amping him, he’s fucking with all of them, it’s all twisted up.
He’s gonna fucking blow!
Shit! Shit! That fucking hurt. He’s fucking dead. Brains leaking out of his ears. She’s not feeling any power in him at all. But all the fucking kids, they’re almost screaming with power. They’re screaming, period. She’s gotta get control of herself. Pull it in, Elaine, you got this kiddo. Fuck, of course she does, this is memory. If she didn’t get control, there wouldn’t be a Ragnarok.
“Look, I’m out. I said I’d help with this, but I’m out. You guys are fucking nuts.”
“Yeah, Fixer, just patch us all up, and go. Just remember, never fucking cross the horsemen, you dig?”
“Yeah Nuke, I dig. Like a dog after a bone. Look, Nuke, I can’t fix all of this. I only do physical things. Bodies, machines, computers; I can’t do anything about what he did when he died.”
“The fuck are you talking about kid?”
“He did something in your head, to your power. You and Elaine.”
“It’s Generator, rat turd.”
“Yeah, sorry, sorry. Just, I can’t fix everything, okay? Don’t kill me, okay?”
“Get it done. Get out.”
Fixer wasn’t lying. I can’t tell what happened to Nuke, but she’s got more than a rut, more than a knot. Fuck it, pull it out the hard way. “Generator, I think this is gonna hurt. No easy way about it. You ready?”
“Shut up and finish.”
Gaaaaaahhhhhhh! God damn it! She’s out. God, it’s like a fucking maggot, eating at me. What the fuck am I gonna do with this? I can’t offload this into anyone, no telling what the fuck it would do. Am I stuck with this shit? There’s gotta be a way. That shitstain made a psychic fucking cancer, or something. Latched it into their powers. Every fucking time they used them, it ate deeper.
Okay, okay, get your shit together Kerry. Follow the threads, follow the memories. Anything left? Anything else I can take with me? Traces, yeah. Clean it all up while she’s out. Less traumatic for both of us. Okay. That’s the best I can do. Dial down her vitals, coax the brainwaves into healthy sleep, let her recover.
“I don’t really care, Kerry.”
“Don, man, we fucked up. You have to give me a shot to fix it. If I could fix him first, she’d be way more likely to agree to all of this again. Trust us both more. It makes sense. I can do the job on her better now that I know what happened. If I can contain one of those little psychic parasites, I can contain two.”
“You don’t get it, Kerry. The only fucking way I’m repeating any of this, anything since you fixed me, is if the whole thing fails. It’s been too damn hard keeping everything in the air as it is. I’m not fucking risking it on a maybe, I’m not undoing the first fucking success I’ve had with her because you got caught up in her emotions and trauma.”
“That’s not what it fucking is, you asshole! We fucking killed Nuke, and I could have saved them both! I’ve had the brain worm locked down for three days! It isn’t getting out. She’s recovering well. She’s still a hard ass, but the crazy is gone. If we had her and Nuke, in their right minds, wouldn’t that be better?”
“Maybe. Maybe it would. But I’m not risking it on a maybe. I promise though, if we can’t get the job done like this, that’ll be the next thing to try.”
“You are such a fucking prick, man. You know I’m fucking right. I felt him before Moran fucked them up. And I felt him before I killed him. Before we killed him. I deserve a fucking chance to undo that. He didn’t have to fucking die, Don.”
“Why the fuck do you care? Before Max got you down here, you were hunting a drug ring down. You had cancers on board, syphilis. You were going to fucking kill them with it. Why the sudden flash of conscience? I’ll tell you why. You picked up more of her than you think. You’re feeling her grief, her friendship, and it’s coloring your thinking.”
“Fuck you, Don, fuck you.”