It’s weirdly difficult to remap the “office” key so that pressing it won’t open an ad for ms office 365 and pressing office+L won’t open linkedin.com, and a few more equally valuable core OS features.

In the end I just had to grab a small bit of C code from GitHub, compile it, move the exe to the startup folder, have Windows Defender yell at me for having obviously installed a particularly nasty brand of trojan, and make Windows Defender put the executive I had just compiled back.

But really, I deserve this for using a Microsoft natural keyboard in the first place.