I use to do it because I was so frustrated that I felt it was the only thing that I could use to channel that it was s boiling hate to my self hard to express in words, at that time I was hoping with some bad decisions that ruined my life and they have consecuences still to this day. I was heavily depressed luckily I went for help and stopped doing it. Depression like that is like it never goes away just only gets better with the time.