First of all, nice bait, looks delicious, think I'll chow down.

I think this because I’ve spent over a decade of my life trying to understand where people come from and getting nowhere with helping them.

This mindset sounds closer to the problem than to the solution. Do you truly believe that the best way to interact with an extremist is to blindly judge them, then assume that they will question their entire worldview because one person, who has made no good faith effort to understand them, decides to call them names?

Many extremists, though perhaps not most, feel the way they do because they honestly believe they are doing the right thing. They listen to the lived experiences of people they trust and discount the words of people they do not. The blind judgment of others only 'proves' to them that it's all one big conspiracy, everyone else are sheep, and that they are the only ones who can think for themselves.