I had a really old Twitter account going back to 2009, maybe 2008. I don’t even remember. Back then it was great for connecting with friends, making plans, meeting new people, etc. I hadn’t done anything meaningful with it in years so I logged in to see if it was really as bad as everyone was claiming.

Narrator: It was.

Within a month I was simultaneously a fascist, an anarchist, a bootlicker, a socialist, and a troll. I think I had posted a picture of a cup of coffee and maybe my cat.

Deleted, moved on with life.