Comment on /c/café daily chat thread for 28 September 2023
Naomikho@monyet.cc 9 months agoMy friends are aware I have a lot of other things to do. I used to mentioned a lot that I’m busy working on my project aka Monyet.cc’s Blahaj Bot back when I was spending almost all of my free time on coding. One of those two friends understand if I say I’m busy, but I’m afraid if I say no too many times I’ll end up upsetting her. The other friend used to spend time with her ex, but her family kept trying to separate them because they didn’t like him and they barely talk to each other anymore. Combined with the fact that controlling family also chased away any ‘non-educated’ friends(?) that she had, she doesn’t have a lot of other friends she can play games with.
PawjamaParty@lemmy.world 9 months ago
It can be difficult, but could you try and trust your friends a bit more? Kinda test the waters with being unavailable to them for some periods of time. Or maybe dedicate a bit more time for your friends? Personal projects can sometimes spiral out of control and you can become obsessed over them, I myself am working on a project as well, and sometimes I work on it unhealthy amounts. Think of what you want and need in life. Is it more time dedicated to work or school or projects? Or would you rather develop relationships and chill with friends? Or something completely different?
I don’t know you, and I’m also not a professional in this field (or any field tbh), so I don’t mean to come off like I know what is best for you or what you should do. I can only make assumptions based on your post and try to offer some advice. And it is of course up to you what you will do with your life. I would like to ask; do you think you might be sinking in too much time and effort into this project? It is completely valid if it’s something you want to do, but you might have to choose between the project and some (hopefully not all!) friends. Maybe you can find the right balance, so that you can keep both. Would it be possible to include your friends in this project? Even just something as small as asking their opinion on something? Or maybe find help from someone else so you wouldn’t have to work so much on it yourself.
The situation your friend is in sounds toxic. My parents were always super chill, and now I’ve been an adult for over a decade, so I’ve forgotten how the few rules I actually had felt like. I think the only advice to that I have is to just be firm, but understanding with her. Set clear boundaries, but also be there for her when you’re able to. You could be a friend that is, maybe a bit distant, but always there if shit really hits the fan.
In the end, do what makes you happy, but remember that social life is also important. We are social creatures, even the most introverted of us. I really wish I would have done things differently and been able to keep some friendships. I’m extremely lonely, even more so now that I had to stop working. I’m stuck in my house, too sick to move somedays, and I don’t have a lot of people to talk to. If I lived alone and were to collapse one day, it could take like a week for anyone to really miss me. It’s not the worst, there are people who don’t have anyone. Just whatever you do in life, don’t end up like me.
Naomikho@monyet.cc 9 months ago
Both my relationships and projects are of course important. I used to have time for both, but I have been working overtime a lot lately, so I don’t have enough time to balance everything as a result(hence the immense stress I am feeling now). I’ll give your suggestion a try… thanks for talking to me.
I hope you’ll find better and meaningful relationships soon, hopefully with truly good friends.
PawjamaParty@lemmy.world 9 months ago
You’re welcome! I hope you find a good balance again, and wish you luck on your project. :)
And thank you.