Sure, here’s your application.

• Are you a racist piece of trash?
• Are you willing to shoot innocent people for made up scenarios?
• Can you give misleading instructions under pressure?
• Do you have record of domestic violence?
• Do you hate pets?
• Do you like paid vacations while the union creates disingenuous excuses for your crimes?
• Most importantly, are you ready to lick some boots?

If you chose “Yes” on most of these questions, you’re ready to be a cop in the USA. Please apply at the nearest donut shop.