How is it possible you do not glow green and shit silver colored liquids after digesting this?

Food labeling in the US uses chemical names for… actually I’m not sure why we do that, I’m guessing it was some well-meaning but misguided regulatory guidelines. Anyways it makes our food labels sound absurd when they’re, as with this example, pretty straightforwardly just food.

The two big questionable things are the margarine and the TVP - both (imho) pretty gross for textural reasons, but both also staples of vegan diets and have been around for 50+ years. I’m gonna gloss over those because there’s tons of documentation on what goes into them online (and it would take ages to break everything down, and I’m lazy). Beyond that:

• Modified Corn Starch: This is a fancy name for anything from malted or low-boiled (boiled in a mild acid) starch. Humans have been doing this for millennia (fuck it took me forever to spell that), there are a million variations based on the malting process or type of acid or etc.
• Corn Syrup Solid: dehydrated glucose (ground sugar, but derived from starch instead of things like sugar cane/beets)
• Natural Mesquite Smoke Flavor: Also called “liquid smoke”, it’s shockingly close to literally being smoke in liquid form. It’s the condensed vapors you get from heating wood, concentrated by freezing.
• Disodium Dihydrogen Pyrophosphate - Baking powder.
• Mono-And Diglycerides: Naturally occurring, found in food oils.
• BHT: this one is really contentious. It’s a naturally occurring antioxident found in a ton of fruits and nuts in low concentrations, but it’s been recently (2022) banned in the EU, though it’s still present in plenty of foods at low concentrations. There’s been pressure to get it banned in the US too, so hopefully that happens soon
• Sodium Bisulfite: salt
• Monosodium Glutamate: MSG, the flavor enhancer
• Xanthan gum: a complex extra-sticky sugar.
• Guar gum: Guar-bean juice. As with Xanthan gum it’s just a complex extra sticky sugar, but this one has been used for centuries to thicken foods.
• Soy Protein Concentrate: Cooked, mashed soybeans
• Dextrose: sugar (chemically identical to glucose, again not sure why we feel the need to obfuscate this one)
• Sodium Phosphate: salt
• Mechanically Separated Chicken: Ground chicken

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I’ll freely admit it’s not good food (I mean who adds sugar to corn) but it’s all just food. Just food with dumb names.