I have gone down the matrix rabbit hole but i choose Continuwity, which is the successor to Conduwuit after the community drama.

It’s a rust server alternative to synapse, it’s lightweight and works very well.

Fuck synapse, it’s a colossal pain for small servers, not worth it. I also actively avoid anything related to the company behind it since I think they poison what matrix could be.

I wish I started with XMPP, but now I am selfhosted on matrix, so.