I think you’ll love Proxmox. I have a blast with it, however, I am not the selfhost guru, so you may want to wait for someone more authoritative than I. As far as everything running on one container, personally I like to split anything AI off to it’s own VM. That way I can toggle it on or off when needed and it’s not just eating up ram for no good reason.

I have played with CasaOS. Pretty nice package, especially if you are just getting your feet wet, or just want to be able to quickly spin up containers. In this category there is also Umbrel, RunTipi, or Cosmos Server, to name a few. They all have their pros/cons.

Tailscale rocks! Simply put. It’s super easy to set up and you can tunnel a crap load of data through it.

As far as ‘must have’ software, Searxng gets a huge workout on a daily basis for me. If you like tinkering/building work flows, N8N, LangFlow, and Flowise get steady use on my network. I can’t speak to the ‘arr stack’ and I have all the media I could ever want, and I’m not much of a movie watcher, but sky’s the limit based on what you want to do with your server. When you have Proxmox up and running, be sure to check out the Proxmox Helper Scripts. Lots of goodies there.

Have fun bro.