Comment on The fediverse has a bullying problem

• queermunist@lemmy.ml ⁨1⁩ ⁨week⁩ ago

  But people are polite to your face. On the internet there’s no face, so that goes away.

  I think part of that comes from empathy, though obviously part also comes from fear of confrontation and habit. It all adds up to offline interactions being far less hostile than on the Internet because they’re not face-to-face.

  This is also known as Internet Fuckwad Theory.

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  • Paid_in_cheese@lemmings.world ⁨1⁩ ⁨week⁩ ago

    Mostly I agree but I disagree in this way:

    Face to face, especially in a small community, some people take it upon themselves to establish what they see as the right and proper rules for the community. Everyone must have a grassy lawn cut to exactly three inches is kind of the least terrible end of this.

    “Queer people are a danger to our children”, “Everyone must be in a straight, monogamous relationship, that produces children who aren’t autistic or disabled in any way,” etc. and, because it’s in person, they have much more power to ruin lives.

    We see some of that behavior in online communities but people generally have much more ability to “vote with their feet” or even abstain online.

    I had Instagram for five minutes before they started trying to share my account with acquaintances who didn’t know I was queer. (Which is a crime as far as I’m concerned but not relevant.) I immediately closed my account. Imagine that had been a neighborhood I’d just moved into. It might not even be possible for me to move before I faced months of the real life consequences of being forcibly outed by a neighbor.

    There’s a veneer of politeness in meat space. Sometimes there’s more than a veneer to it. But often not.

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    • queermunist@lemmy.ml ⁨1⁩ ⁨week⁩ ago

      They’re nasty pieces of shit when they don’t have to look at the person they’re hurting or putting in danger, but that only supports my theory. There’s an empathy disconnect that’s created when there isn’t a human face or voice immediately in front of them. Once they aren’t in danger of an in-person interaction all the venom comes out. Online, that’s basically all of our interactions.

      I should point out the phenomenon where a minority in a community will magically become “one of the good ones” so that the bigots can continue hating minorities while empathizing with their neighbor. This is also becoming less common as we grow more isolated from each other and everyone moves online, destroying the potential for that face-to-face interaction.

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      • kudra@sh.itjust.works ⁨1⁩ ⁨week⁩ ago

        I do concede that there has been a trend towards xenophobia that has been exacerbated by filter bubbles and even more by algorithms. But the balance is that people who once had no choice but to suffer ostracism and extreme isolation have been able find community online and have improved mental health and outcomes in many ways.

        I certainly found this myself in the early days of the internet before the iron fist of corporatism grabbed this fledgling space, determined to extract value from it, and creating the nightmares of isolation and hate that are now Farcebork and its ilk. Fedi has been a welcome return to smaller communities that have to do the necessary work of self management, which reduces the hate and isolation that is promoted by antisocial media, even if it doesn’t stop it altogether.

        My point is, the internet isn’t worse. Humans can be good or bad, but certain environments make them behave in worse ways, and these environments can exist both online and off.

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