You could also consider a type C latching relay and a momentary switch as others have suggested.

Momentary stays disconnected in a middle position, then momentarily goes up or down. You could have that drive the relay coil one way or the other, and perhaps use some LEDs to indicate which side is on or off. You could then digitally drive the relay as well. It does mean you lose the latching of the switch, but its likely far less expensive.