My sleep schedule is fucked again. i sleep at nine or ten in the morning and wake up at seven or eight in the evening. practically a houseplant, except even houseplants get to see the sun. since im not going to work for a while, i suppose my body decided there was no reason to function like a normal human anymore. after my little insomnia episode, my sleep schedule decided to flip itself and get all angry at me. being awake for a few days wasnt enough, obviously. i had to collect the perks of those episodes, too i wouldn’t want all the suffering to go to waste, would i? what im trying to say is that i hate it. im not much of a morning person if thats what you think, the idea of waking up early and pretending to be a functioning member of society has always seemed unnecessarily cruel. but theres a difference between disliking mornings and waking up at eight in the evening, looking at the clock, and realizing you’ve missed an entire day. at some point you stop asking what day it is and start wondering whether the sun has something personal agaisnt you or me. i guess me. but you’d think thats all about it. No. wait untill i talk to you about the hunger. because why would my body choose a reasonable time to ask for food when it could wait until everyone else is asleep? so there i am, awake at some ungodly hour, starving and bored, with absolutely nobody around to bother. theres only soo much fun in standing in the kitchen at three in the morning, eating stright out of a container like a raccoon. i like eating alone, but doing it at these unreasonable hours isnt particularly entertaining. id like to have someone around. someone to talk to. someone to annoy, someone who can confirm that im not the only person awake at an hour when even the stray cats have decided to call it a night. so, naturally, ive decided my housemate is going to keep me company. yes. how unfortunate for him, having to spend time with me. thats probably what youre thinking. but he doesnt have a choice in the matter, nor do you have a choice to speak. thats why you cant even speak. you just read. boob bobb you read that? what a shame. anyway, hes not forced. i didnt force him, i just asked him to keep me company and then continued being annoying until he did. theres a difference. a very important legal distinction, im sure. ill have my lawyer explain it to you if he ever stops laughing. unfortunately, my housemate is sick right now, which made the situation worse. being sick has turned him into the clingiest man alive. he wants company, wants me around, wants my attention. i wouldnt be surpised if he started requesting that i personally supervise his breathing next. its exhuasting. i live with a man who has forgotten how to exist without supervision. A very tragic situation. really, my deepest condolences to myself. and yes, i keep him company anyway, i complain about him being clingy, then sit with him for hours. i tell him hes annoying, then wonder where he went when he leaves the room. fine ill be honest. i dont really mind it. dont misunderstand me. i still reserve the right to complain. complaining is one of the few hobbies i can do without leaving my bed, i refuse to stop complaining just because he wants me around. that would be ridiculous. whats next? am i supposed to admit that i like having him around too? absolutely not. id rather be dragged into court. but its nice, i guess. having someone awake when im awake, someone to talk to instead of staring at he ceiling and slowly losing whatever remains of my sanity. even if that someone is currently behaving like a sick, oversized house cat that needs constant attention. id never tell him that. he’d get worse, and id never hear the end of it.
So, for now, ill continue ruining my sleep schedule, eat at ridiculous hours and force my housemate to participate in my nightly activities against his will. and by nightly activities, i mean sitting around doing absolutely nothing. dont get excited. besides. not having dreams about angel is strange, i still get nightmares of course. but its far from it being about her repeatedly. now, nothing. and i havent got anything else to say about it.
Sincerely, Your exhausted host.