I think im drunk, which means, naturally, my thoughts have wandered somewhere they shouldnt. Oh, that woman. she’ll be the death of me. a beautiful, magnificent, bloody woman. gorgeous doesnt even seem like the right word for her anymore. its too ordinary. too small. shes majestic, an angel, my angel. an angel ive never seen before, an angel that makes every other angel seem poorly designed. and she doesnt even have to try. She just exists and somehow im left sitting here wondering what exactly happend to my ability to think normally. although, i have been wondering about something. anyway, i dont think ive ever properly explained how beautiful she is, either. not physically. i mean, obviously shes beautiful, but thats not what i mean. theres something about her. she has this way of getting into my head, she can easily make me think about her for hours and she wouldnt even know shes doing it. or maybe she does. see, thats the problem with her. i never quite know. shes sweet enough that i want to believe everything she says. shes clever enough that i occasionally wonder if i should. not because I think shes lying. just because.. well, shes her. and i know what she does to me. she makes me stupid. completely, embarrassingly stupid. enough to make me forget every sensible thought ive had, enough that my head tells me to be careful and i nod along, agree with it entirely. and then immediately do the exact opposite because she happened to cross my mind. i hate it. but i love it more. which is worse. because i could sit here and list every reason i should keep my distance, every little warning my head has been giving me, every sensible argument ive made against getting so attached to one person. and then id look at her, or think of her. and forget every single one, what a talent she has. turning a perfectly reasonable man into an idiot with nothing but a smile.
i could spend years trying to understand what she does to me. i suspect I’d still end up with the same answer. she’s beautiful. shes dangerous in all the gentlest ways. and if she really is going to be my undoing, i suppose there are worse ways for a man to lose himself. especially when the person waiting at the end of it is her. and while she probably wont be here to read this, and thats for the best. but all of it had to go somewhere, and tonight. some of it is here.
Sincerely, With all thats in me, The fool who fell his guardian angel.