So, I woke up today with one less idea in my head. Which is a big deal considering all my mind does is move and think and analyze shit.
Has anyone ever told you or have you ever heard someone say, “you don't love them; you love the idea of them.” Well same feeling, just different context. so long story short I had a rough life, you know sob story shit the people who abused me were the ones who raised me an shit. Well, my grandmother was at the forefront of all of it. She called the shots on it all. How she managed to do that is a whole different story. the reason that phrase from before still hits in this situation is because you can look at it from two different ways. First way is I stayed in my grandmother's life for so long even as I got older and went away because I couldn't let go of the idea of her one day actually being what she's supposed to be to me. the second way is she tried to hold onto me for so long even when she knew she had fucked up because she knew she had fucked up and just didn't want to admit to it. Now with all that shit being said my opinion lol cuz mine is the one that actually matters lol, I know she knows she fucked up and I know she knows I'll never forgive her no matter what happens to her around her or anything. I do however know that i stayed around because growing up in the bullshit I did made me dream and wish and prey for a family that actually acted like one no fake smiles or laughter. People being people and actually loving each other and being what family is supposed to be. Unfortunately it never turned out that way I talk to a few of my siblings and my mom and that's it I haven't seen most of the “family” in years to be honest. Build a safe family, happy, open, caring, respectful, kind, if something hurts talk, if they talk open your fuckin ears and listen. to many people forget that we are not around forever and you need to love on your people while they with you cuz you can lose them before they even gone. Let's Be Fuckin Fr.