Boundless Energy: Blessing or Curse?

Boundless Energy: Blessing or Curse?

For as long as I can remember, people have talked about my mother’s energy. Neighbors, friends, relatives  commented on how energetic and active she was. She was always doing something and could never seem to sit still.

Even before she was married, she had countless hobbies: sewing, making dolls and clothes, knitting, fabric painting, and everything in between. She loved to cook and took it as a personal challenge to recreate dishes made by neighbors from the various cultures and ethnicities residing in our university housing community. Heck, she even somehow coaxed a reluctant neighbor to divulge her secret Family chocolate chip cookie recipe!I honestly don’t remember seeing her sit very often.I certainly don’t remember her lounging on the sofa, relaxing and watching Tv. She was always on the go.

Growing up Asian (if you know, you know ) there was a huge emphasis on productivity. You woke up at a respectable hour. Periodt. Sleeping in was frowned upon, even if you had been up half the night. Lazy people never got anywhere in life. The Nepali word was “Alchhi”. Because apparently, all successful futures were decided before 8 a.m.!

If I was sitting quietly, I was often asked why I was “just sitting there doing nothing.”Was I supposed to explain that I was thinking? reflecting ( or day dreaming about my latest crush) , conserving energy? Existing?!

I always felt as though I needed to be occupied with something or at perpetual risk of being judged. “Hare yo keti ta”… (translation: uff this girl!). Your value was tied to what you achieved: your grades, your accomplishments, and how many talents you could  hone.

It also gave parents more material to brag about their children while subtly validating themselves as wonderful parents.Because what was the point of raising an accomplished child if nobody else knew about it? It was personal.

And listen, I understand it. There is absolutely truth in that how you are raised: the support, discipline, and encouragement you receive, shapes what you become. I am deeply grateful to my parents. They encouraged me, challenged me, and geared me to be successful and independent.

They beamed from the moment I first walked into Medical school (and maybe my first day of kindergarten once before) and continued beaming all the way through my becoming a fully fledged, experienced physician. And they had every right to be proud.I couldn’t have done it without them.

But somewhere along the way, I absorbed more than ambition.I absorbed the idea that stillness was scary and wrong.

Because if I wasn’t doing something, wasn’t I wasting time? And if I was wasting time, wasn’t I wasting my potential?

After having children, I became more unstoppable. Literally. I stopped sitting down to watch shows. I would come home after commuting and hours of work and taking care of others to care for the kids, play with them, clean something, plan something, or find another task that suddenly felt urgent.

Over the past few years, I have incorporated more “self-care” into my life but even my self-care involved activity!

The gym. Pilates. Walking. Dancing. Learning new hobbies.Coffee dates with my girlfriends, Playdate and girls nights. Planning outings. Going places.

Sadly, I decided rest was acceptable only if it came with athletic shoes and an elevated heart rate.Did it really count as self-care if I wasn’t sweating, multitasking, or checking something off a list? Creating more, writing more.Etc etc.

Friends and family began asking me the same things about me that everyone had always said about my mother: Where do you get all that energy? How do you do so much? You’re always doing something.

And I was.

I planned, overplanned, booked, and overbooked my weekdays. Then, by the weekend, I desperately needed a break, so naturally, I immediately started planning the weekend. What better way to recover from an overbooked week than by overbooking your recovery??

I chose large, comfortable, expensive sofas for my home. I created cozy little nooks for resting, both inside and outside.

And then I stood in the kitchen eating.

Always standing. Eating, cleaning, organizing, doing.

Never actually sitting on those beautiful sofas I had carefully selected for the theoretical person who lived in my house and knew how to relax.

Who was she? When was she coming? And why did she need so many decorative pillows?

I would wash my hair at midnight after everyone was asleep-and finally sit down only when the lights were off and I was ready to fall asleep.

For years, I thought this was simply my personality. I had energy. I was productive. I was efficient. I got things done.I was proud of it.

But recently, I began to understand that some of it was also a response- a traumatic  one that was probably passed down from generation to generation.

We were taught, directly and indirectly, that having fun was frivolous. Taking care of ourselves was selfish. Resting meant we were lazy. And our worth is demonstrated repeatedly through how much we could accomplish.

But who decided that? And why did we all agree without even reading the terms and conditions?

Recently, I attended an event where we were asked to name the three things we valued most in life.

Someone said, “rest”. Someone said, “Fun.”

And I remember thinking: Rest? Fun? You’re allowed to choose that?

Why shouldn’t fun be something we value? Why shouldn’t rest be important enough to claim openly instead of disguising it as recovery from productivity?

Why do we feel compelled to justify rest by checking off everything we accomplished first?

I cleaned the house, answered my emails, worked out, fed everyone, solved three minor crises, picked up the pet’s messes, reorganized a drawer…so now I may sit down for eleven minutes.

These beliefs are sneaky. But become so deeply ingrained that we start to  think this is how responsible, successful adults are supposed to live.

I want to teach my children something different. I want them to listen to their bodies. I want them to know that it is okay to have an evening with no after-school activity. It is okay to have a weekend without a bazillion plans. It is okay to sit on the sofa, watch something silly, laugh, nap, FaceTime a friend or simply do nothing.

Will an empty Saturday prevent them from becoming successful adults? Or could learning to rest actually help them become healthier, happier ones?

Rest is not a failure to use your time well.It is a gift we give ourselves. It may even be one of the greatest acts of self-love.

Boundless energy can absolutely be a blessing. It has helped me create, learn, grow, achieve, care for people, raise my children, build a career, friendships and community. And to live a very full vibrant life.

But energy becomes a burden when we believe we are never allowed to replenish it. Our worth does not need to be proven minute by minute; not to the world, not to our families, and certainly not to ourselves.

And really, what is the point of buying the plush sofa and designing the perfect coffee nook if we never actually use it?

Sometimes, sitting on the darn sofa is enough.