A few days ago, on a social media dating platform, I matched with this guy who put on his profile that he was “autistic and dumb”. My heart broke for him, and I was angry that he’d been allowed to internalize that kind of message about himself.
As a result, I proceeded to explain to him in so many words in the messaging area of that platform that being autistic doesn’t make him dumb or stupid. That it simply means that his way of being is significantly different from what is currently considered to be the mainstream “norm”. That autism is simultaneously a disability, but that it’s not bad to be disabled.
He asked me why I was telling him that, but unless he was doing so emotionally, I don’t know why, since he put it right there on his profile page! Okay, maybe he did mean it as a joke. But putting yourself down like that is not a good way to joke about yourself! At least not to me. It doesn’t make him very approachable, and it especially won’t make any women want to date him. Even if he did mean it as a joke, he’s obviously very insecure about himself.
A couple of years ago, I saw this older guy who lived a few doors down from me who would take his walks in the middle of the street wearing a t-shirt that said, “I’m autistic, therefore it’s okay to bully me”. The first time I saw that, I was enraged beyond description! I don’t even want to guess how or where he got it, and, again, I was heartbroken that he’d obviously internalized that kind of message about himself.
I’ve been misunderstood, dismissed as weird, standoffish, and sometimes even rude for my entire life. But that does not mean that I will go along with seeing myself as “dumb”, “stupid”, or as deserving of being bullied! One part of me already believes I/we are deserving of the latter, so I am also not about to further enable that.
Instead, I will use my acceptance of my autism to promote awareness/acceptance as well as self-awareness/acceptance and live more fully as myself.
Thank you very much for listening.
Lacy Pierce