This past year has been a deeply emotional year for me. I have had some unexpected experiences, numerous high-emotion social interactions. Deep lows, highs, and so much I cannot write in detail in a short blog post on the internet.
What but they accumulated to were life-changing experiences. Positive shifts in self. Grounding, discovery. My own version of communion.
Porn was a part of everything.
It's been nearly four years since I chose to be pornosexual. I didn't start accepting myself completely until recently. I am finding balance in the addiction. Pushing myself for spiritual growth and betterment has led me to explore deeper parts of myself. I am finally at peace with myself.
I don't seek the same validation from others I used to. I can make calmer decisions, especially in social situations. I set boundaries, I stick with them. I stick to my code and actions and honor.
I don't feel like a freak because I love to watch porn nonstop and go on when the mood strikes me.
I don't feel like an outsider because a lot of my free time is devoted to porn.
My porn addiction has unlocked my artistic and creative outlets to one universal umbrella. My mind is full of the 'next steps'.
Even this single confession online started as a chat, and then I knew I had to expand this further, to share with others and let others know there's a path when you choose full pornosexuality.
It's more than being in the horny goon state, all edged out of your mind every moment. It's the fact you are always thinking about being that way.
You reach a point where all of your perverted sexually intrusive thoughts just become a background thought that's always there. A comfort. A reassurance. A blanket. A safe space.
Something you can come back home to in your mind when nothing else seems certain. I have a lot to be proud of because of my pornography addiction. I didn't try to “quit” or “fix it” or do things that force conformity. Instead, I learned what it means to let this just be who I am.
So I explored. Went deeper. Let the rewiring happen. And I'm in so much more peace because of it.
Gooning has helped me so much in my own personal growth, and this is my real truth about my life addicted to porn.
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