Janay didn't consider herself all that attractive. Short, some scars on her skin, fat in the wrong places, and a tired look of wisdom and broken dreams—all etched into a single package. She didn't look in the mirror for long on most days. It was just her, anyway. No pets, no family, no social life to speak of. But this wasn't what Janay was about. There was more. That was just the surface level she showed others. Her real depth was hidden behind a secret. On the outside looking in, one would think that's a lonely existence. For Janay, this is the only true peace she has ever known. It's not that she didn't try. It's just she wasn't wired to play the game everyone knew. She closed her eyes, took a deep breath. Dark thoughts had no place in her home. It was time to pivot.
She walked, fully nude, back to her bedroom. A chaotic mess that was her personal shrine and personal sanctuary. On one side there was a large bookshelf. It wasn't for books; instead, it held her personal collection of sex toys, displayed openly. Her real trophies, her real sexual partners, her real friends.
She had almost every dildo imaginable. A good majority of them were different sizes and types. Some were realistic, some were girthy with exotic textures. Some were fantasy-style creature cocks, others were impossible sizes that she collected like trophies with no intention of inserting. She just liked the shape and look of them.
Janay was really addicted to cock. Not in the normal way. Not in the way that made men hard, though. She had long disconnected her enjoyment of cock from men. Another person always made life messy. It brought her so much pain and misfortune. But she didn't want to be bitter. So she detached from men and just focused on cock.
She still has her first dildo, which she bought in college. Worn but still functional, it sits in the center of her collection. Symbolic of how a tree branches out from a seed, every dildo, in some way, was connected to her first toy. Her first lover, her first and only comfort in a chaotic world. She took another deep breath, letting her mind and body unwind from the life that didn't suit her outside of her four walls.
She would smile and coo at them, running her hand across them, imagining them as if they were attached to a man who only exists in her mind as an abstract concept. A brief flashback of her failed relationships and her divorce flooded her mind. She blinked, shook her head, and talked to herself, “Not today, you've had enough.”
Right now her focus was choosing her next silicone partner for her afternoon of pleasure. Her one anchoring activity, her one consistent hobby that made her whole: Gooning.
Along the way in Janay's life journey, people stopped working. The community stopped functioning. Family turned toxic. Friendships faded. She's even lost pets due to tragic circumstances. Every time she tried to be 'Janay +1,' it evolved into something more than just zero.
But her toys? Gooning? That never left. As long as she had silicone and a wet pussy, she was fine.
Janay picked a large creature cock for her goon session tonight. She didn't want to be reminded of anything human at this point. She just wanted pleasure. Janay made her way over to her pride and joy of her home: her desktop PC. Built for one and only purpose.
This machine has been her forever, a custom-built beauty of age and purpose that has seen it all. She has evolved her baby to its final form. It has four screens. Two of them stacked in front of her in landscape orientation, and two in portrait mode on the sides. One would think it's a little excessive until you know what their purpose is really for.
Janay watches hardcore porn almost constantly.
Porn has been her comfort in a chaotic world throughout her adult life. Then around 35, it clicked for her. There was no need to hide or be ashamed of this. Like everyone else, she learned about gooning during the pandemic and the identity stuck with her after the divorce.
She sat down in front of her screens with her big floppy toy, pulled up her playlists and porn sites, and began her ritual. She spread her legs and gently rubbed her folds, waiting for wetness to come. Once the wetness came, the weight of life began to dissolve. Those problems no longer mattered. Once she got her pussy wet enough and her dildo made it inside, it was all better.
She knew it was a coping mechanism. But her excessive porn consumption was a compulsion at this point. It was a call. It was her pull. Porn was her anchor. Gooning gave her purpose. It was something special to come home to. It was a consistent thought always in the back of her mind.
She brought porn with her in the workplace. Goon audios she listened to like music, scrolling at her desk on her phone when no one was looking, listening to porn while driving in traffic. Tweeting about it, letting all of her safe for work accounts collect dust. A symbol of a life that paused. A life no one cared to check on.
Porn always made her whole. Porn took over her life for the better.
As she sat in her plush office chair, she would scroll and look at every screen focusing on something for a few moments, smiling. Each screen had something obscene perverted, and absolutely beautiful.
She would spend a few moments reclined in her chair, thrusting her toy in a rhythmic motion, let her body cream and squeeze, welcoming its girth and texture into her inner walls. Once she was close to orgasm, she would stop the motion, sit comfortably with her toy inside, then browse the internet or new clips or anything porn related to add to her collection. The edge was pleasure, not the orgasm.
Overall it was a humble simple existence. No one needed to know that this is all she did for hours every single day.
No one needed to know she listened to porn audio like podcasts.
No one needed to know this ritual had completely taken over her life.
This was the only thing in her life that was consistent and never hurt her.
So there she sat in her chair. Comfortable. Calm. At peace. Pleasuring herself for hours finding the center she deserved.
She's peaked in life and all she had to do was get extremely addicted to porn. Now all she wanted to do was make her porn addiction worse. Janay was happy.
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