When I turned 26, I was not in a good place. I was unemployed and spent most of my day in my parents' basement. Nothing looked certain, and even less looked positive. Has anything changed?
Before you scroll down and see the answer to that question, I turned twenty-seven this year. The title is of course a reference to the urban legend that many musical artists seem to all die at 27. Maybe I will, though I do not plan on it.
Yes.
A lot of things have changed! I moved out of my parents' house and back into the city. I live on my own again. I took a new job in yet another completely different field. This one is at least extremely interlinked with what I studied in university without being explicitly that. I feel less routinely miserable, though not always.
The feeling less miserable thing really has helped a lot of other things. Sure, sometimes it is hard to get up and go to work, but at least I do not hate my job the same way I did before. Sure, I might not want to be stuck in my apartment all day on weekends, so I can just go outside. There is more out there than just grass now! There is grass too but also museums, plazas, and so many other places to look at people, things or both people and things.
No?
Not everything is perfect. It feels like after even nine months I still do not fully have a “routine”. I never really go out, not like I ever did much before. Now at least I am given a choice I routinely do not take. I do definitely miss being around with our family's pets all the time. Even after attempting to reinvent myself yet again, I still feel like I have not changed.
I know I have improved a lot. It still does not feel like enough.
Now what?
What will my life look like at 28? Compared to when I said the same thing about 27, I can say things are starting to go well. Will they improve? I sure hope they do. At the very least, I hope they will not get worse. That is all I wish for this year: I wish for things to not get worse. A small goal, for sure, but I would rather not set unrealistic expectations.
That “hope” word was impossible to come by before. I felt like I had the world stacked against me. Now, at least some of the world does not seem to be fighting against me. I feel like the existential crisis is not over, just on pause. The stupid thoughts in my head will never let it be over.
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